


After Brunch

by Embarassedbutkinky



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Blind Date, Dating, F/M, Falling In Love, Jealousy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2020-04-08 03:05:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19098484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Embarassedbutkinky/pseuds/Embarassedbutkinky
Summary: Poor Uncle Raditz needs a girlfriend. Any volunteers? Bulma decides she knows the perfect girl for him, and she sets them up on a blind date. This will probably have multiple chapters. Sequel to Brunch.





	1. Chapter 1

The sun was starting to set on Mt.Pauzo, and Goku and his youngest son were using the the last bit of light to train. Goten was not doing well, so Goku just laughed when he pointed over his shoulder and shouted, "Hey, look!"

"I'm not falling for that one again, Goten. Fool me six times, shame on me."

"It's Mom," Goten insisted, pointing again.

Goku spun around and saw a little red Capsule Car cruising toward them. Bulma came over often, and she usually dropped Chichi and Raditz off on brunch days, but usually Chichi wasn't slumped dizzily out of the car window.

As soon as the vehicle stopped her husband and son ran over, more confused than concerned. Raditz was helping her step precariously out of the car with a sly smirk.

"Easy, Sis, don't puke on my hair."

Chichi scoffed sloppily. "I should have cut all that off and given you a bowl cut months ago. C'mon, we'll go do it now."

"I'm going to assume that's the liquor talking," he said suspiciously. "Here, Kakarot, take your demon barber wife. I'm locking my door and hiding the scissors tonight."

Goku gently took Chichi's arm from Raditz and she laughed, moving to playfully slap his chest but missing by a foot. "M'fine, Goku."

"What happened to her?" Goku asked, narrowing his eyes at his brother.

Raditz held up his hands innocently and Bulma laughed from the front seat. "Chichi had a few too many today."

"Really? Mom?" Goten asked. That wasn't normal for her.

"Well, we were having our usual brunch discussion and Videl accidently mentioned that Gohan asked for anal, and that was one memory beyond what Chichi wanted, so she decided to destroy it."

"Should you even be driving, Bulma?" Goten asked.

She slapped the steering wheel. "It's a Capsule Car, my design. Literally drives itself."

"Which is good, because none of us are in driving or flying condition," Raditz snickered.

Chichi laughed with him, leaning hard on Goku. "Okay, you. Take me to bed."

"It's only sunset, Chi," Goku smiled. "What about dinner?"

"Oh, yeah! What are you making me?" She asked.

He blinked. "Uh… I guess I can try to make meat. Can we make a campfire inside? That's a no, right?"

"I'll get pizza," Goten announced, immediately taking off.

"Good boy!" Chichi called after him. "Raditz, learn to cook. If you aren't going to pay rent you can work for me."

"I will agree, but only because you're not going to remember this conversation."

Goku carried Chichi into the house while Raditz leaned toward Bulma. "Thanks for paying, as always," he grinned.

She shrugged. "What else am I going to do with billions?"

"Here's an idea,  _ buy me a girlfriend. _ "

"That's called a hooker, Raditz. Do you want a hooker?"

"No," he sighed. "Come on, Bulma, you have to know someone who wouldn't be too weirded out by the alien thing. I can't exactly hide this," he said, waving his tail at her.

"For the last time, I don't know anyone your type."

"My type is  _ breathing female _ ."

"I know Saiyans are attracted to fierce women, Vegeta explained it. You'd just get bored of my friends because they're too sweet and then  _ I'd _ have to apologize when you dumped them."

"I'm not  _ asking _ for a Saiyan. I've gotten to know a lot of humans since I've been back, and they grew on me. I could hang out with a sweet one. Hell, maybe I'll just get a fiesty mistress on the side and we'd all be happy."

She rolled her eyes and huffed but he laughed.

"That was a joke! No smart man tries to handle two women. They'll tear you apart."

Sudden realization hit Bulma's face, and then she grinned wickedly.

He grinned with her. "Is that a, 'holy shit she'd be perfect for him' smile?"

"Yes. Actually it is."

He slapped his hands together. "Hell yes! Come on Bulma, name and number."

"I'll set it up, don't worry about it," she said, waving him off. "Just promise me you won't be a dick. She's a nice girl and she doesn't deserve that. Even if she's… challenging."

He crossed his heart sloppily. "I'll be good. She's just a human, how much trouble can she be?"

\-------------------------

 

Launch took deep breaths, trying to calm her nerves. It was just a date, after all. Lots of people went on dates, every day. Normal people. She could do the same thing.

It wasn't like she never got offers to go out; men paid her all kinds of attention. The problem was the  _ other _ girl. The problem was always the other girl.

_ What's this jackass supposed to look like anyway?  _ She heard her other half wondering. She pushed her down, hoping against hope she wouldn't sneeze. She was very early, and wondered if it was a good idea to order before he arrived in case the food here had too much pepper.

The two of them got along better now, actually, better than they ever had in fact. For a long time Launch's two sides had not known their other half existed, which had led to a lot of confusion and anger when they'd sneeze and find themselves in a situation they hadn't remembered getting into.

With the help of her friends, she had come to realize she was two people, somehow crammed into one body, and her other half was  _ not _ very nice at all. Then it'd been a competition between them, always trying to enjoy their lives separately and stay out for as long as possible. They couldn't agree on anything.

Until Tien.

He was sweet and sad, which appealed to her caretaker side, but also strong and brutal, and the blonde one had liked that. Finally, the two of them had to talk, to seek each other out to agree that this was the right guy. They were on the same page. Unfortunately, he was not.

Still, after him, things were better. They were talking now, and they knew it was possible to agree on some things. However, dating was not one of them.

Her aggressive side had no interest in dating anyone but Tien, and since they knew he wasn't interested, she wanted nothing to do with it at all. The only reason she wasn't throwing a huge fit was because it was Bulma who set up the meeting, and she liked Bulma.

_ "He's a nice guy," _ she promised. " _ Goku's brother, actually. You'll like him. At least part of you will..." _

She was fidgeting nervously with her napkin when she heard him approach the table. She looked up to see a tall man grinning at her, hands on his hips as he took in the restaurant.

"You're Bulma's friend?" He asked

She nodded meekly. "I'm Launch."

"Cool," he said, dropping into the seat across from her. "Raditz. So, good news, I have money for whatever we want to eat. Bad news… it's not really my money."

_ Bank robber?  _ She heard her other side wonder. "Oh? Whose money is it?"

"Bulma's," he shrugged. "She kinda funds my life right now. I just didn't want you to think I've got big money all the time. You know, if you're one of the women that's interested in that sort of deal. Uh, not that I'm saying you are," he added quickly. "I just saw that on some TV shows here."

_ Great, a deadbeat _ . The other side complained. "That's okay! I'm really not interested in money. I have my own food truck, and it's doing really well."

His eyes went wide. "You make food? For a living?"

"Yep," she smiled.

"Can you make pancakes?"

"Uh, I believe so. It's not on my usual menu." _ He is not changing my menu!  _ The voice warned her.

"Oh, that's a shame. I'm staying with my brother and my sister-in-law right now, and she never cooks pancakes at home. I tried to make them the other night. They came out like coasters."

She smiled politely, and they sat in awkward silence for a moment.

"You're… Goku's brother? I've known him since was a little boy. I didn't know he had a brother."

"He didn't know about me back then. I was in space."

"Oh." Launch had been filled in about some of the happening with the Z Fighters over the years, mostly by Bulma over tea. "So you're an alien?"

"Yep. Born on Vegetasei. Not raised there of course. They sent me off when I was pretty young for… a mission."

"What kind of mission?"

"Uh… the 'take over a planet' type."

"Oh."

"I, uh… succeeded if that makes it better. Nah, I suppose that's worse."

_ Huh. Make him tell us more about his mission. That's not boring.  _ Launch ignored the voice. ""So Bulma said you had a history in childcare?"

"Childcare?"

"Well, she said you babysat Gohan once, but his parents didn't appreciate it?"

He laughed nervously. "Bulma thinks she's really funny. I guess you're gonna find out, I kinda… kidnapped the kid."

"Oh."

"Not for long! Honestly, people blow it way out of proportion. I only took him to get Kakarot to come with us so we could go...attack…" he trailed off. "I'm really a nice guy."

"Uh, I'm sure you are."

"You know, Vegeta killed a whole bunch of people  _ after _ he got married and started a family. Nobody ever brings that up. I can't fit any more foot in my mouth, why don't you talk for a while?"

She did. She started talking about herself;  _ this _ self, he had plenty of time to find out about the other girl. Maybe she could get him to like her before that happened.

"He was cutest little boy!" She said fondly over the remains of their appetizers. "He was very sweet, and he had that silly tail."

Raditz shifted slightly and smiled as his tail came into view. "Like this?"

"Oh! Well I suppose that would make sense if you're his brother. What are they for anyway?"

He shrugged. "Uh, lots of stuff. Status, emotion... sometimes for...other things."

She blinked innocently. "Like what?"

He was saved as their waiter finally arrived, ready to take their orders. Launch ordered a salad, and Raditz ordered two of every meat dish they had.

"Sure that's all you want?" Raditz asked.

"I'm sure," she smiled. She'd read somewhere that you should order salad on a first date, but she couldn't remember where. "I don't need much."

"Saiyan appetites," he laughed apologetically, loudly. "They're pretty hefty."

"Hey," a man behind them barked. "Can you keep it down? We're trying to eat."

Raditz frowned, and she saw his hand tighten on the table. She knew the signs of anger building, she felt it when the other her was in charge, so she knew how to deescalate it.

"Sorry Sir! We'll keep our volume down," she said in a cheery voice, putting a calming hand on Raditz's.

He jumped slightly at her touch, looking at where their skin met and managing to look almost embarrassed. He calmed down immediately, turning back to face her.

She let him go, blushing. "Maybe the next time we could eat something I made at home? I could try pancakes."

He nodded. "Sounds good, Blue."

She felt it start as a tingle in the back of her throat. Pressure started to build. "Not now," she whispered.

"Hmm? Something wrong?"

"Nothing," she said quickly, standing. "I'm just going to run to the Ladies' Room."

He tried to say that was fine, but she left quickly, running towards the bathrooms.

\---------------------

 

Raditz sighed, looking at his reflection in the back of a spoon. He'd told Bulma he wanted sweet, and it was true. He thought it would be nice to find a happy, smiling girl like Launch. She was positive, kind, a little innocent, everything he'd set out to find. She already wanted to make him pancakes, just because he'd mentioned them.

Maybe she was  _ too _ nice. Too good for him.

She'd been kind enough to ignore him accidently talking about kidnapping and planet domination, miraculously. He bet that if he asked her for a second date to take her up on those pancakes she would already say yes, and they hadn't even eaten yet. Someone like that deserved a kinder man, with a cleaner history than his. Maybe it would be better to tell her her didn't feel a connection and let her go without causing any bad blood with one of Bulma's friends. Why had she seemed so certain that they were perfect together.

The waiter came by and put her salad and his buffet in front of him. He waited… a minute. Then he started scarfing down food, starting to wonder if she had jumped the gun and just ditched him. That would simplify matters.

His attention was on his meal, so he didn't see the woman approaching him until she sat down, loudly. "Hey! Can I get a tequila?" She called, pushing the Shirley Temple in front of her away like it was poison.

He blinked. "Can I help you?"

"That depends, she smirked. "Are you gonna tell me more about that planet you conquered?"

He looked around. "Have you been eavesdropping on us? I've killed for less, Lady."

"Well, then stop teasing me and fucking  _ tell _ me about it. And while you're at, tell me what that tail does, too," she winked.

"I'm with someone, Lady. Get lost."

"You're with me now, Buddy," she said, poking at her salad in disgust. "What's with this rabbit food? I'd never serve something this light on my truck." She grabbed the plate and switched it out for one of his steaks. "You can eat that. I need some meat."

"Food truck…" he muttered. "Launch? Is that you? Are you wearing a wig?"

She rolled her eyes. "Why does everybody assume  _ I'm _ in the wig. No one ever asks her if she's wearing one. It's starting to piss me off."

"How did you…  _ why _ did you--"

"Ugh, enough with the  _ questions _ ," she moaned. "Tell me about your mission."

He stared a minute, then nodded. "Okay. Saiyan babies were sent to distant planets with orders to destroy it in their Oozaru state, to make it suitable for Frieza's army to inhabit."

"You conquered a planet as a  _ baby _ ? Damn!"

He smiled slightly. "More than one."

"Really?"

"Well, that was my first year alive. I was in Frieza's army damn near thirty years. We took our fair share. Not that I'm proud of all of that, I'm trying to start over on Earth."

"Yeah yeah, kindness yada yada, new leaf blah blah. I did that too. I robbed banks."

"You...robbed banks?"

"Girl's gotta make a living. Got tired of cops always chasing me, though. I do pretty well for myself with my truck, who needs 'em? Good riddance."

"You seem different. What, did you go snort a bunch of cocaine and bleach your hair in the sink?"

She laughed. "I like you. Wanna fuck or what?"

His eyes widened.  _ "What?" _

"I mean, that's the plan right? We go on like three dates and then jump into bed because we're a couple of lonely losers? I don't know how  _ Krillin _ got married before me, cute little runt. Why not skip the waiting and just go back to my place? I hate waiting, and you look like...well, I was gonna say Goku's older, more experienced brother, but that's a little too on the nose. I need a better analogy."

"What happened in there? Are you seriously drugged?"

"I'm  _ me _ ," she spat. "The good one anyway. Don't worry, boring old Blue likes you too. She'd just never have the balls to drag you home and climb you like a big Saiyan tree. Bet that hair makes for a good handle."

He smirked, glancing around. Maybe Launch had to put on a show to let herself have some fun. "Hell, I'm down. Wanna finish eating and head out?"

"Bitchin'."

"Excuse me," the same man from earlier spat. "Would you take your vile conversation elsewhere?"

She narrowed her eyes, and Raditz's heart beat faster as he felt the shift in her mood. "What did you say to us? You weren't invited into this conversation, Old Man."

The man grumbled. "We are trying to eat while you talk about sex four feet away--"

Raditz was watching the stranger, so he didn't see the weapon at first. The man screamed and ducked down, and he he saw others dive under their table. He spun around and saw Launch standing with a pistol in her hand.

"Oh, not so talkative now, huh?"

"Holy shit," Raditz said, eyes wide.

"Got anything to say  _ now _ ?" She asked again, walking towards him.

"Holy  _ shit _ ," he repeated, grabbing at her gun and ripping it away from her.

He saw cell phones coming out, and could hear people calling the police. He grabbed her hand, ready to pull her out of the restaurant.

She sneezed.

In an instant, before his eyes, her hair changed back to blue. She looked at the gun in his hands, and the people hiding under tables. "Oh no, did I do this?"

"Did you… your hair…"

"Oh no," she moaned, covering her mouth. "Look, I'm… a bit odd. When I sneeze, it's like I'm a whole other person."

_ "What?" _

Her face scrunched up. "No, not again!" She sneezed hard, and her hair changed again.

The blonde looked around at the cowering crowd and heard sirens in the distance. "What are we still doing here, Dude? Let's go before the cops get here!"

She grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the restaurant, running away from the sound of the sirens. "Your place or mine, Saiyan?"

" _ Holy shit _ ," he muttered again, grinning. "She's fucking  _ perfect _ ."

 


	2. Chapter 2

Raditz flopped back against the pillows, breathing hard and wiping some sweat from his forehead. Launch followed him, supporting herself against his broad shoulders while her blonde hair fell close to his face.

"What, are you done already?"

"I just need another break," Raditz laughed softly. "Haven't used those muscles in like, twenty years."

"Twenty years?" Launch frowned.

"Don't worry, I was dead. Didn't count."

Launch rolled off of him, folding her arms behind her head and laughing. "That's funny. You're practically a virgin again. Or, you were."

He chuckled. "How long has it been for you?"

She paused. "A while."

"Hard to believe, with a body like that," he said, winking.

"So what about before you were dead?" She asked. "When was the last time?"

"I used to hit up the local scene of planets before they were… mysteriously destroyed. I could usually find a willing humanoid, or at least one you could pay."

"There was this one guy a long time ago. Since then I've just had a few one night stands when Blue was out."

"Was that a one night stand?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Stop speaking in the past tense, we're not fucking done yet," she smirked wickedly. "What the hell else is there to do, cuddle? Doesn't have to be a one time thing, I guess. I've got some free time if you do."

"Really?" He smirked back.

She glanced down his body. "I think I can fit  _ you _ in, if you know what I mean."

He chuckled. Her face suddenly scrunched up, and she grumbled. "Aw, not now. At least I got a finish a couple times…" She sneezed, hard, and in a flash her hair was blue again.

Launch blinked, trying to take in the scene around her for a moment. She caught sight of Raditz in her bed, and then glanced down at her naked body. She gasped, grabbing the comforter and pulling it up to cover herself and turning a deep red.

Raditz stared, gulping nervously. "Uh, hey Blue. Goldielocks said you were on board for sex… I just kinda assumed she'd know. Listen, if you weren't I'm really sorry, I can get out of here--"

"No!" Launch assured him, looking down. "I'm fine. It's fine. I like…  _ sex _ ." She whispered like it was a terrible confession. "It was just a surprise is all. Sometimes we see what the other one is doing, and sometimes we don't. You can do whatever you want with her, but… could  _ we _ wait? A little while, I mean?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure," he nodded, hopping up and grabbing his boxers from the ground to pull them back on. "I'll just fly back to my brother's house and call you tomorrow."

"You don't  _ have _ to leave," she said, pulling a nightgown from her dresser to slip over her body. Raditz fought the urge to look over to see her one last time before she covered up, but he resisted it. "You could stay, it's really late."

"O...kay," he said carefully, easing back into the bed.

She slid in on the other side, still blushing. "Is it okay if I sleep close? I always sleep better next to someone."

"Sure, Blue," he said with a half smile, lifting his arm so she could slot in next to his body. "You don't have to ask."

She giggled softly, scooting closer to him and laying her head against his shoulder. He wrapped her up in his arms, moving his nose to her hair. A long, slow, satisfied rumble moved up his chest and puffed softly against her head. "This ain't bad."

She hummed, closing her eyes. "Say, I was thinking about trying pancakes in the morning, if you'd like to stay a while when we wake up."

"Hell yeah," he said, quickly starting to drift off.  _ I could get used to this... _

\----------------------

 

"I mean, it's not like I'm  _ complaining _ ," Chichi clarified as she sipped her drink. "The last time we had even half this much sex was before Gohan was born, and that was just because everything was new and he was fascinated with me. It's just a little difficult to get used to, and he  _ always _ wants the kinky stuff."

"You're welcome," Eighteen smiled, pouring syrup over her food.

"I just can't picture Goku liking bondage," Videl said, shaking her head. "You're so tiny. It'd be like a chihuahua tying up a Saint Bernard."

"What do you think, Raditz?" Bulma asked. "From a Saiyan perspective?"

Raditz was bouncing his legs impatiently like he had a full bladder and a jammed seatbelt. "Is it my turn yet?"

"Be patient, Chichi has the floor," Bulma chastised. "Answer the question or buy your own pancakes."

Raditz huffed. "I've only tried bondage once, it wasn't really my thing. I like a girl that wants me but can fight back.  _ Speaking of which-- _ "

"But have you ever been the one tied up like Goku?" Chichi asked. "He so  _ into _ it, it has to be Saiyan thing."

"I don't think so," Raditz shrugged. "All Siayans love battle, don't get me wrong, but Kakarot takes it to a whole other level. I think the pain and pleasure wires in his brain are just fucked up. Glad he's finally getting some, though. As long as we're talking about Saiyans getting some--"

"Have you guys tried the hot wax dripping yet?" Eighteen asked, ignoring Raditz's whine of protest.

"No, but I've ordered the candles," she said. "Or, I had Gohan order them for me because I don't understand the Googles. I didn't tell him what they were for, though."

"Oh, was that a secret?" Videl asked nervously. "Sorry, he asked and I told him."

Chichi winced. "Oh, I just wanted to spare him the embarrassment. How did he react?"

"Better than you'd expect because I… distracted him."

"Well done, Dear," she smiled awkwardly.

The table was silent for a long moment. Raditz slapped his hands against the tablecloth, eyes wide.

"Well?" He asked.

"Gee, Raditz," Bulma asked with a coy smile, "how did your date with Launch go last week?"

"She's fucking amazing!" he hollered, earning a few disapproving looks from other patrons. "Bulma, you're a goddamn  _ genius _ ."

"Oh," Bulma grinned. "If I'd known you wanted to compliment me so badly I wouldn't have made you wait so long to talk."

Chichi hummed skeptically. "Really? Launch? Don't get me wrong, she's a lovely girl most of the time. There's something you should know about her, though, before you get too invested--"

"If you're talking about Blue and Goldielocks I'm already  _ very _ fucking aware."

"Oh," Chichi blinked. "And that doesn't bother you?"

"Bother me?" He laughed. "It's the best part! Goldielocks is  _ hot _ ."

"You better not push her into anything before she's ready," Chichi warned.

He laughed. "Are you joking? We made it like halfway through dinner before she took me home and slammed me against a wall."

Chichi coughed, choking on her water while Videl patted her back.

"She's a total spitfire, like if you took a Saiyan woman and lowered her power level but gave her a gun. I've never had so many hickeys in my life."

She looked him over. "I don't see any hickeys."

He grinned. "They're not on my neck."

"What about her other personality?" Bulma asked skeptically.

"Blue? She's great, a total sweetheart. Pretty good cook, too, she made me breakfast like three times this week. We're going on a picnic tomorrow as soon as she sneezes. I'm gonna hang out until she does if you know what I'm saying."

"Well I'm happy for you," Videl announced, raising her Mimosa in a congratulatory gesture.

"Me too," Eighteen shrugged. "At least you'll stop bugging us about being horny all the time."

"Besides, poor Launch seemed lonely," Bulma said. "It took her a long time to get on solid ground after Tien."

He paused. "Tien? That three-eyed bald guy that brings the doll to your garden parties? What does he have to do with anything?"

"For the last time, his name is Chiaozu, and he's not a doll," Bulma said. "You know, he and Launch were kind of together for awhile. She followed him while he trained and kept trying to make him dinner and get him gifts."

Raditz's face fell. "Blue cooked for him and he didn't snatch her up? How stupid can you be?"

Chichi shrugged. "Tien is just married to his work. It's all about training for him."

"Amen," Bulma nodded. "Yamcha was the same way. I guess Vegeta's not  _ much _ better, but he knows I get at least ten percent of his day. Goku's always been pretty battle crazed too. Wait, why are we with these guys again?"

"Speak for yourself," Eighteen grinned. "Krillin would give up fighting completely if I asked."

"Yeah," Videl nodded. "Gohan likes a good fight, but he gave all that up for our family."

"Good parenting," Chichi smiled smugly.

"Wait, get back on topic," Raditz said, holding up a hand. "Blue had a crush on the triclops and he turned her down? Are women not his thing?"

"I don't think Tien has a preference," Bulma said thoughtfully. "He's like Piccolo."

"No, that's not true," Videl said. "I've heard him talking about girls with Yamcha. He definitely likes women."

"Just not Blue," Raditz said, looking more annoyed.

"Raditz, chill out," Bulma said. "What's your problem? Shouldn't you be happy Tien didn't date your new love interest?"

"What's his  _ problem _ ?" Raditz grumbled. "Blue is sweet, sexy, shy, and she does this cute thing when she's surprised, she makes this little noise that-- look, that's not the point."

"Aw," Videl smiled.

"How could any man turn that down? I mean, if Goldielocks was kicking his ass whenever she popped in that's one thing I guess, but he could suck it up."

"Actually, Blonde Launch liked him too," Bulma said.

_ "What?" _

"Yeah. They were both crazy about him. I think she robbed a bank for him at some point? He wasn't interested."

Raditz stood up, swaying slightly from the dozen Bloody Marys he'd already had. "Pardon me, Ladies. I have a triclops to murder."

"What?" Bulma asked, eyes widening. "Why?"

"He insulted her," Raditz said, tapping his chest. "Which is an insult to me."

"Aw," Videl said again.

"You're not helping, Dear," Chichi told her. "You can't encourage Siayans when they get like this. A few months into our marriage I let Goku get drunk at dinner and he punched a waiter who asked if I was old enough to drink. He thought it was an insult. Good thing his power level wasn't quite so high back then or the poor man would've had more than a broken rib."

"Raditz, sit down," Bulma ordered. "You're ruining brunch. If you're going to act like a stubborn man you can go drink with them."

"Too bad," he said. "Has to be done. Now point me in the direction of the triclops and push, I'm too buzzed to read power levels."

"Do you really think Launch would want you to fight her battles for her?" Eighteen asked calmly, taking a different approach. "I'd be pissed at Krillin if he beat up an ex for me."

Raditz slowly sat back down. "You would?"

She nodded. "Let her fight her own battles unless she asks for help, or she's gonna resent you for it."

He slumped over the table. "Stupid bald jackass. I'm gonna ask if she wants me to kick his ass."

"Where is Launch? Did she have to work today?"

"She gets to set her own hours," he said, leaning into his hand. "So I told her where to find the others."

"The others? You mean our husbands' little club?" Chichi asked.

Raditz nodded, smiling. "Well, she can't really join brunch. Brunch is mine. I hope Goldielocks is out when she gets there. God help them all."


	3. Chapter 3

Trunks fidgeted in his chair, unused to the atmosphere he suddenly found himself in. When Vegeta said they were going out to 'celebrate his birthday' he'd assumed they were headed to a random field to spar. He definitely hadn't expected to find Gohan, Goku, and Krillin waiting for them at a bar. 

"Uh, Dad, I don't think I should be here."

Vegeta perked up an eyebrow. "What? You'd rather let your mother throw some lavish celebration for your birthday? You practically begged her to allow me to be in charge of this event."

"But why are we in a bar?"

Goku clapped the newly eighteen year old on the back. "Hey, it works out perfectly. Your birthday happens to fall on a club day."

"Club?" Trunks asked. "What club?"

Gohan smiled grimly. "I'm sorry, Trunks. You're going to learn things you never wanted to know."

Vegeta raised his glass. "I motion to open this session of The Club for Confused Saiyans Trying to Understand Their Earth Women."

"Seconded," Gohan sighed.

Trunks paled. "What? What's going on?"

Krillin sipped at his beer. "Once a month we all get together and drink enough alcohol to talk about our wives. Well, they do. Eighteen is perfect."

"Then why do you come?"

He shrugged. "Entertainment. They're not my parents."

"Oh! I have a question," Goku announced. "So, the other night Chichi was naked--"

"No!" Trunks cried, scooting his chair back. "What the--  _ why _ ? Why am I here?"

"You're a man now, aren't you? A  _ Saiyan _ man," Vegeta shrugged. "This is a club for Saiyan men."

"Uh, thanks," Trunks mumbled. "I mean, it's cool to be included but… not like this.'

Vegeta rolled his eyes. "Fine. Leave then. Gohan can answer our questions."

"Aw, come on Trunks," Goku laughed. "It's  _ your _ birthday. Why don't you have a drink?"

"I can't, eighteen is still underage. You have to be twenty-one to drink."

"Just have mercy on him," Gohan suggested. "I wish I could have run the moment this club was formed. Besides, Trunks clearly doesn't want to talk about our relationships when he can't relate."

Trunks blinked. "What does that mean?"

"Huh?" Gohan asked. "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean anything bad by that. I've had a few beers already. I just meant that you have never been in a relationship, so you probably don't want to--"

"I  _ am _ in a relationship," Trunks grumbled a bit.

Vegeta snorted, looking at him skeptically. "No you're not."

" _ Yes _ , I am. I've been seeing someone for like three months."

"Really?" Gohan asked. "Who is it?"

Trunks turned red. "Uh, that's not… this isn't the right way to… nobody. I'm not dating anyone. I made him up."

"Him?" Goku asked.

Trunks turned impossibly redder, face dropping into his hand.

Vegeta pinched the bridge of his nose. "Dammit."

Trunks looked at him nervously. "Are you mad?"

"I'm annoyed. We already denied Krillin's petition to change the name of the club because he's not a Saiyan, but this clinches it.  _ Fine _ . Petition to change the name of our group to The Club For Confused Saiyans Trying To Understand Their Partners."

"Seconded," Goku and Gohan both said. 

"What, were keeping the Saiyan part?" Krillin complained. "Come on, if we're already changing the name--"

"Too late, the motion passed," Vegeta shrugged. "Now what's your question Kakarot?"

Trunks looked ready to interrupt them, more than a little shocked that the fact he was dating a male was so casually skipped over in the conversation, but he didn't have the chance. A chair at their table was pulled back suddenly. The grinning blonde who plopped down in it looked over their group appraisingly. "You guys actually drink at these things, or just sip beer?"

They stared at her.

"What?"

"Launch, is that you?" Krillin asked. "It's been a while."

She shrugged, stealing Goku's beer and taking a deep swig. "I don't always have time to make it to tournaments or Bulma's shindigs. That what happens when you have a job."

" _ Right _ ?" Gohan agreed enthusiastically. "When you have a job it takes up a  _ lot _ of your time. I'm lucky I have the weekends to do these clubs, and I still feel like I should be with Videl and Pan."

"But what are you doing here?" Vegeta asked suspiciously. "Did the women send you to spy on us?"

She smacked her lips. "You ain't interesting enough to spy on. Raditz sent me."

"Oh yeah, you guys went on a date last week, right?" Goku asked.

"More like four dates. The way he talks, this is the place to get some juicy info on Saiyans. Am I right?"

"I suppose," Gohan said nervously.

"Great," she announced, slapping her palms on the table. "I've got some questions."

"Kakarot had the floor," Vegeta insisted. "We take turns here. Respect the rules of the club or get lost."

Krillin and Goku both winced, glancing at Launch nervously. She narrowed her eyes, sneering slightly at the prince. She seemed to make a decision, waving a hand dismissively. "Fine. Talk. But I'm not leaving here without something useful."

Goku nodded. "Okay, so the other day Chichi was naked. She'd just taken a shower and I was already in bed. She came out of the bathroom without a towel and asked if she was fat, and I said no. And she  _ still _ got mad at me. I want to apologize but I don't know what I did wrong?"

"How did you say no?" Krillin asked.

"I just said she didn't look fat. What do you mean?"

"Did you pause, Dad?"

"Never fucking pause," Vegeta muttered.

"I didn't!"

"What were your exact words?" Trunks asked.

Goku hummed thoughtfully. "I don't know. Something like… I like the way you look."

They winced.

"What?"

"You're just supposed to say 'no'," Gohan said. 

"Quickly," Vegeta agreed.

"And be shocked that she even asked," Krillin nodded. "Like _, 'What? Are you serious!?_ _No way!'_ Not that Eighteen is fat _at all_ , but that's what you say."

Goku groaned. "Well, Chichi looks better when her hips are bigger, so--"

" _ Dad-- _ "

"She  _ does _ ," he insisted. " _ Especially _ when she's naked, so--"

"Next!" Gohan begged. "Please, someone else talk."

They paused, looking up to see if anyone was going to take the floor. Trunks cleared his throat and they all glanced at him.

The young man was blushing again, rubbing the juncture of his eyebrows. "So you guys… you just talk about Mom and Chichi and Videl and ask for advice?"

"It's started out more as education," Gohan explained, "but it has leaned more that way lately."

"Okay…" Trunks said, tapping his fingers against the table. "Um… let's say that you were dating a person. And, for a lot of reasons, you weren't really telling people you were together. So you're out together just eating dinner, and a waitress asks if you're single. You'd say yes, right? Because it's a secret that you're not."

"Did you know the waitress?" Krillin asked.

"No. So why should it matter if she thinks I'm single? There is no reason he should be angry at me. It's not like I'm gonna call her--"

"You took her number?" Launch asked incredulously. "With the person your dating sitting right there? I'd have killed you on the spot."

_ "Why?" _ Trunks asked. "I didn't do anything, he saw the whole thing! It's not like I would ever--"

"Do you know for sure he's mad at you?" Gohan asked.

"I think so," Trunks nodded. "He talks a lot normally, but he got really quiet afterward. I told him I was sorry and he said he was over it, but he didn't call me last night. He usually calls at eight, but he just texted me that he couldn't and he didn't explain much."

"Don't worry," Goku said casually. "He didn't have time. Chichi made us spring clean last night, Goten didn't even get to bed until eleven."

"But he  _ still _ should have called me. Sometimes we talk until later than eleven."

He waited but none of them answered. Goku was smiling triumphantly, and the others were smirking.

"What?"

"I mean, no one is surprised it's Goten, right?" Gohan chuckled. 

"Outsmarted by  _ Kakarot _ , Boy," Vegeta shook his head. "A slightly  _ drunk _ Kakarot. Congratulations."

Trunks paled. " _ Oh _ . I meant… oh, no. He's going to kill me."

"You probably hurt his feelings because he thought you were ashamed of dating him," Gohan laughed. "Just tell him you told us you were together to prove you weren't. We won't tell him it was an accident."

"Really? You won't tell him?"

"What happens here stays here, Boy."

Trunks smiled hopefully. "Okay. I admit, this is kind of cool. I'm glad you made me come."

"Don't be sappy, this is serious business," Vegeta said. "Fine, my turn. Kakarot, the Woman wants to try the rope thing. How low do you set your power level so the Harpy can hurt you?"

Trunks quickly jumped to his feet and tried to run, but Vegeta tugged him back down with one hand, pushing his half empty beer in front of him.

\----------------

 

"So she's gotta be naked," Vegeta continued. "But she can have a weapon."

"Yeah," Goku nodded thoughtfully. He was pretty far gone by now, leaning his chin into his hand. "She should have a weapon. And some rope, maybe."

"Keep your perversions out of it Kakarot, this is a Saiyan fantasy."

"I am a Saiyan," he argued.

"Barely."

"She could have rope," Gohan shrugged. "And she doesn't have to naked. Like, she could be in a costume--"

Krillin groaned. "Do we really have to hear about Videl in her Saiyagirl suit  _ again _ ?"

"How about armor?" Trunks asked. "Goten would look good in armor."

There was a lull while each of them clearly pictured their wives in armor.

"Yes. Accepted," Vegeta nodded. "The perfect Saiyan woman is wearing armor. But very  _ little _ armor."

"Alright," Launch slurred, scribbling the notes down on her napkin next to her empty shot glasses. "Slutty armor. Got it."

"Maybe she should have just fought someone," Gohan said, blushing a bit. "I love watching Videl fight."

"I don't know if I'd have married Chichi if I hadn't just seen her get to the semifinals of the World's Martial Arts Tournament," Goku agreed.

"Yes, she's fresh from battle," Vegeta said. "Maybe even mildly injured or bloody."

"So I've gotta kill someone for foreplay?" She asked. "Doable."

"I don't think it's really about the blood," Trunks said quickly, trying to stop her from writing down a murder plan. "It's more about… the confidence. Like, you know they just beat someone at something."

"Mmm," Vegeta hummed. "True. Occasionally Bulma destroys some interloper who thought they could outsmart her at work. Those are… pleasant nights."

"So I gotta win something," she nodded, mostly to herself.

"And there should be food," Goku said.

Krillin rolled his eyes. "Don't you ever think of anything else?"

"No, Kakarot is right, for once," Vegeta said. "If you have the opportunity to feast before sex, take it."

"I got that covered," she said proudly. "He  _ loves _ my pancakes."

"Is that a euphemism?" Trunks asked. "Wait, nevermind, I don't want to know."

"And what's with the tail?" She asked. "Am I supposed to use it like a handle or what?"

They got quiet, fidgeting a little. Trunks was the first to clear his throat. 

"I mean… don't  _ yank _ on them."

"Unless he asks for it," Goku muttered quietly.

"But definitely  _ involve _ it," Vegeta grumbled.

"I just don't get it. Do you treat it like a dick or not?"

Gohan didn't meet her eyes, his own tail tightening almost unconsciously around his waist. "That's probably… a good rule of thumb."

She leaned back, looking over the napkin like it held the secrets of the universe. She smirked, propping her legs up on the table. "Interesting."

  
  



End file.
